


Bargains

by nityge



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-04 01:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2905004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nityge/pseuds/nityge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First written as a one chapter story, but now I like to continue it. Reviews are highly welcomed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bargain 1

„Give me that fucking letter.“

She barks at the stunned young man, who is standing in the door frame.

„It’s Dale, right?“

He nods, gawking at her like a stupid schoolboy.

„I won’t tell anybody.“

She sends him a short genuine smile, but continues to stare him down.

Dale doesn’t feel very comfortable to give her the letter. But he’s sure, she won’t leave without it. He had heard a lot of rumors about Carrie Mathison. She is a legend at the CIA, for her work as well as for her tantrums. He’s wondering how Quinn got involved with her. Sure she is quite a beauty, but obvious a witty lady with an aggressive aura around her. Not the easy-going type he would have preferred for companion.

Her provoking gaze is daunting him somehow. He thinks about a quick-witted remark, but his head feels empty. His blood seems to have moved to another place. Dangerous territory as he imagines Quinn's dark face.

„He isn’t dead. Not that I know, but...“

It’s all he is able to say.

„I know that. And I don’t care for any of your fucking code of honor. Just give me that damn letter.“

And as she recognizes his hesitation, she sends him another understanding smile, nailing him down.

„Quinn will know that you had no chance.“

Who could resist a blonde demon.

 

*****

 

For hours she’s staring at the white envelope with her name on it.

She has never seen her name written by another person. His neat handwriting is intimate, nearly too much to bear it.

She’s wondering what he has written to her. Most likely an excuse why he left her without a word. Or was he accusing her of turning him down?

That night at the wake of her dad’s funeral he had told her, he needed her to get out. She had replied, she had not been exactly helpful.

And of course she hadn’t, not at all. Instead she went on her own crazy road trip, only taking care of herself. When he offered to come to Missouri, she turned him down. She didn’t want him to see the shit of her family. Because it was her shit, her curse of being abandoned and despised by her own mother. She had been too ashamed to involve him. Afraid to probe his feelings. Or maybe she was just too proud to take his help.

And when she learned the truth from her mother, it was too late.

Too late to take back her words, she babbled to him without thinking. Too late to tell him how much she needed his help, his love. When he left without a word, she started a last attempt to stop him from falling apart again. But blackmailing Dar Adal was a shot in the dark, like a lot of things she had done lately.

What’s left is a white letter with a neatly written name on it. Her name. Carrie Mathison, the name of a woman who betrayed herself and those who were stupid enough to care. What a bitter truth.

The letters blur in front of her eyes, as the tears start to flow.

‚What a self-pitying asshole, I am. No more tears.’

She wipes them away.

‚I won’t read the letter. No excuses in my life any longer. If he comes home, I will make sure he gets out and stays out. No matter what it takes.’


	2. Bargain 2

„Saul…”

„Carrie, have a seat.”

She studies his face carefully, nearly piercing him. A month earlier she would have been concerned how old and worn-out he is looking. But now she feels nothing but resentment and scorn.  

It has been two weeks since Lockhart’s retirement. At the same time the speculations have started that Saul is going to be his successor. And she has done her part in the hearings, trying to avoid anything that could harm Saul’s view in public. She’s aware that Quinn’s survival on his mission depends on her retention. Aware that fucking asshole Dar is watching her closely, maybe even targeting her.

Now she’s sitting face to face with Saul, ready to play her cards well. She knows that Saul counts on her, that he wants her to be on his side. He needs her for his exculpation. Wants to see in her eyes that he did the right thing. That she doesn't despise him for being a weak old fool who sold himself for a job he isn’t suited for.

As she watches him, a sensation of bitterness raises inside her. Because once she trusted him to make the right choices and give her guidance whenever she was in danger to lose her path. But now she knows she has fooled herself. Saul has been the wrong tin god she has relied on. But he isn’t the only one to blame. They both are trapped in this never ending game of the self-deception and wrong choices that won’t lead to anything lasting or good.

 

„I know what you’re thinking.”

He states sadly.

„No Saul, you don’t. You know only half of it.”

She snarls at him.

„But I’m not the one to judge you. It’s your face in the mirror, you look at. If you think you can handle it, go for it.”

„I want you to be on my side, Carrie.”

„You got Dar.”

„That's not the same, you know that.”

„Well, everything has its price tag.”

„What's yours?”

„I want him to be safe.“

„Quinn?“

„If he returns...“

She gathers herself before she continues.

„When he returns, he’s out of Black Ops, out of Langley.“

„I will talk to Dar about it.“

He agrees as if it is discussable.

Carrie snaps.

„No fuck! You damn order him. No more missions for Quinn, buy that.“

"But you stay? Right, Carrie? You stay with me?“

His old eyes are begging her, searching for some sort of emotion and support in her eyes.

_‘What a fucking creep.’_

She locks up that thought deep inside her, stays cold and inaccessibly as before.

„Yeah, I will stay at your side, Saul. But I want my piece of the yummy cake, not only a breadcrumb.“

„Sure you want. And you deserve it, Carrie.”

He pauses for a second, reviewing the options.

“What you think about becoming the next Chief of Operations?“

For the first time this day he sees her smile.

„Sounds great, Director.“

 

They hug for departure like best chums. But only one of them welcomes the comfort of the embrace.

 

 


	3. Dschabal Sindschar

With the crack of dawn a dense fog has been ascending from the valley, buying the despicable rest of Ops 4 some time to find a suitable hide-out. It’s sorely needed because they have been hunted down for the last days, losing 5 men and most of their weapons, munitions and supplies. Now they are only 6 men left with two of them injured badly.   

After they had managed to take out their 3 targets, the mission has turned into a virtual disaster. The lack of a valid extraction plan or any backup has forced them into a relentless pursuit, a deadly cat and mouse play with them being the mouse. Now it’s just a question of one or two days until they will all be dead, either killed by the IS or by the lack of water and food.

Quinn directs the small group North-West to a small farmhouse which is carved into the red stone of the rising Sindschar Mountains. It reminds him of a fucking rabbit hole. At least it will be painful for the IS to get them.

The three room house is surprisingly cold inside. Quinn helps to rest the unconscious leader of Ops 4 on a mattress. Rob has been shut in the guts. They had managed to stop the bleeding, but Quinn knows that without medical attention he has no chance to survive. Now it’s up to him to lead them, sell their asses as dear as possible until the last bullet. Because surrender is not an option for them.

The men are resting on the floor sharing the final rest of water. Quinn takes a short sip of the bottle, but then lifts to search the house.

‘Luckily I’m not claustrophobic.’

He thinks as he enters the third room which has a lower ceiling than the others and no windows at all. In the light of his flashlight he sees a wooden board at the end of the room. Somehow it reminds him of the tailor’s shop in Gettysburg and for a moment he allows himself to think of Carrie. The hunch she told him that day had saved his life.

He approaches the wooden board, knocks on it and to his surprise it sounds hollow.

“Daniel, Sam, come here.” He yells for their support.

“What is it?”

He directs them to grab the corners of the board.

“Seems to be a hollow.”

They work grimly until the wall breaks down, revealing a hallway carved into the red stone.

“A secret tunnel. Get more lights. Maybe it leads us out of here.”

The three men carefully move forward. The tunnel is low and very narrow. After 15 feet it makes a sharp curve, another 20 feet it starts to ascend slightly. When the rise increases, Quinn stops.

“Let’s get the others.”

 

****

 

The way through the tunnel is exhausting. At the lowest points they have to creep on their knees. The injured have been wrapped into sheets to carry them easier or just pull them over the floor when it’s necessary. It’s painful to watch, but there’s no time to think about it. Like the others Quinn is covered in red dust and sweat. Hands, arms and legs have been cut by the sharp stones. Some of his wounds are slightly bleeding. His heart is pounding heavily in his chest. He is gasping for more breath, but doesn’t stop to walk. He is dead set on getting them out, all of them.

The hike takes them nearly 7 hours. Then the tunnel suddenly ends in a huge cavern. Quinn gives his men a silent sign to stop. With his weapon pulled he moves to the entrance of the cavern, takes a look outside. The fog has vanished and reveals a breathtaking look down to the city of Sindschar.

“We must be close to the peak of Çêl Mêra. If we’re heading North we’re getting to the Turkish border.”

He tells the others as he returns.

“You’re crazy, if you think we can descend from the North side of the mountains. It’s too steep and we don’t have the necessary equipment.”

Quinn knows Sam is right, but there is no better plan.

“It’s the only option. At least we have to try.”

Now Daniel joins their discussion.

“The whole mountain is swarmed with fucking IS. How do we make sure we don’t walk into their arms?”

“We start at night. Now get some rest. You will need it.”


	4. The place where he doesn’t exist

Like each time when he’s resting, he is dreaming of her.

Remembering the warmth and easiness of the night when they walked to his car. It had been beyond belief what he felt when he kissed her. He had never been closer to someone than in this moment, his heart cram-full with a mixture of love and desire. He had been yearning for her for years, his whole body had. It would have been easy to give in the heat of his grinding body, take her home and make slowly passionate love with her. But he had not been looking for just a short moment of lust, he had been asking for a lifetime. With her, Carrie, because he loves her.

The reliance he gained from this night and their kiss was killed off by one phone call. He had been suspicious when he learned from Maggie about Carrie’s trip to Missouri. Out off the blue she had called it. ‘Out of my life,’ he had thought when he was listening to her words.  He had taken them as a no. A no that broke his heart and sent him back to the place where he doesn’t exist.

He’s at this place now, he place where he doesn’t exist, only functions. Not for himself, he doesn’t care if he dies, but for his men.

When he closes his eyes, he stops functioning. Because she’s still there. It’s her place and his foolish heart would never stop loving her.


End file.
